Do
you remember your first romantic kiss?
I do.
She
was French and I was only fifteen.
There
is nothing like a French kiss given by a French girl, I swear! Reject
imitations!
A
kiss may be like:
- a comma
- a question mark
- an exclamation point
Mine
was warm and passionate like an exclamation point.
My
first kiss was...was... a heart-quake!
My
foundations shook to the ground!
I
didn't know how to react in that situation, because nobody taught me
how to give or to receive a French kiss.
In
the school they teach you lots of useless things, like the Pythagoras
theorem, which I never needed, but they don't teach
you important
things like how to French kiss a girl, which I needed often.
Or
how to salute people in general.
The
only place they teach you how to salute is the Army. The military
salute consists of three steps:
- Step one: stand up as straight as possible and keep both arms at your sides, fingers together, pointing to the ground.
- Step two: Raise your right hand, fingers together, and touch the upper part of your eyebrow. Your forearm should be parallel to the ground and the arm at a 45º angle.
- Step three. Hold the salute for fifteen to thirty seconds. For extra effectiveness maintain eye contact throughout the salute.
French kissing would be
completely different, wouldn't it? Yeah, war and love are arts apart,
aren't they? Instead of three steps, I would give you three advices:
- Advice number one. Don't stand up straight, you need to bend over... or lay down .
- Advice number two. Because kissing is about pushing and thrusting, don't keep your arms at your sides, you'd better grab your partner. Where to touch, up the eyebrow or down the eyebrow is up to you. Suggestion: one hand on the back, the other on the waist... or perhaps lower down...?
- Advice number three. Don't try eye contact; you'll see your partner face completely blurred. And don't worry about time: the longer, the better.
This is what I mean. This
soldier probably knew how to properly make a military salute, but,
for God's sake, he knew how to give a French kiss!
It
was probably a stolen
kiss:
the military equivalent of the surprise attack
And
it was not an air
kiss,
the one you give to a fellow Toastmaster of the opposite sex not to
spoil the ladies' make-up. It was, rather, an air raid.
Yes, if we had been taught how
properly kiss people we would be able to negotiate different kissing
situations, like the ones we may find this Christmas:
- What kind of kiss should you give to your mother-in-law. Will a smooch be all-right? ;
- What kind of hug should you give to your brothers-in-law: full body, upper body or no-body;
- Whether to double kiss the Queen of England, in the case you are invited to Sandriham to dinner.
So yes, I remember that calm
summer night in which our lips touched for the first time.
And you? Do you remember your
first kiss?
