My first kiss

                                                  

Do you remember your first romantic kiss? 

I do.

She was French and I was only fifteen.

There is nothing like a French kiss given by a French girl, I swear! Reject imitations!

A kiss may be like:

• a comma
• a question mark
• an exclamation point

Mine was warm and passionate like an exclamation point.

My first kiss was...was... a heart-quake!

My foundations shook to the ground!

I didn't know how to react in that situation, because nobody taught me how to give or to receive a French kiss.

In the school they teach you lots of useless things, like the Pythagoras theorem, which I never needed, but they don't teach

 you important things like how to French kiss a girl, which I needed often.

Or how to salute people in general.

The only place they teach you how to salute is the Army. The military salute consists of three steps:

• Step one: stand up as straight as possible and keep both arms at your sides, fingers together, pointing to the ground.
• Step two: Raise your right hand, fingers together, and touch the upper part of your eyebrow. Your forearm should be parallel to the ground and the arm at a 45º angle.
• Step three. Hold the salute for fifteen to thirty seconds. For extra effectiveness maintain eye contact throughout the salute.

French kissing would be completely different, wouldn't it? Yeah, war and love are arts apart, aren't they? Instead of three steps, I would give you three advices:

• Advice number one. Don't stand up straight, you need to bend over... or lay down .
• Advice number two. Because kissing is about pushing and thrusting, don't keep your arms at your sides, you'd better grab your partner. Where to touch, up the eyebrow or down the eyebrow is up to you. Suggestion: one hand on the back, the other on the waist... or perhaps lower down...?
• Advice number three. Don't try eye contact; you'll see your partner face completely blurred. And don't worry about time: the longer, the better.

This is what I mean. This soldier probably knew how to properly make a military salute, but, for God's sake, he knew how to give a French kiss!

It was probably a stolen kiss: the military equivalent of the surprise attack

And it was not an air kiss, the one you give to a fellow Toastmaster of the opposite sex not to spoil the ladies' make-up. It was, rather, an air raid.

Yes, if we had been taught how properly kiss people we would be able to negotiate different kissing situations, like the ones we may find this Christmas:

• What kind of kiss should you give to your mother-in-law. Will a smooch be all-right? ;
• What kind of hug should you give to your brothers-in-law: full body, upper body or no-body;
• Whether to double kiss the Queen of England, in the case you are invited to Sandriham to dinner.

So yes, I remember that calm summer night in which our lips touched for the first time.

And you? Do you remember your first kiss?