Mr. President tear down these walls

In 1987 the President of the US Ronald Reagan pronounced a famous speech at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin and said a phrase that has become history: “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall”.

Regan was referring to the Berlin Wall. In 1989 the Berlin wall fell.

Today I am saying to the Head of Government in Spain: “Mr. Rajoy, tear down these walls”.

I am referring to the walls that contain the immigration of foreigners into Spain (including the fences of Ceuta and Melilla).

Tear them down, as simply as that.

Why am I saying that frontiers should be open? Well, because Spain faces both a declining population problem and an ageing population PROBLEM.

These are the trends:

• in 50 years Spain will have lost 5.6 Mil of population
• In 50 years the life expectancy will grow by ten years and 30% of population will be 65 or older.

So, there will be both less people and older people.

DECLINING AND AGEING POPULATION

Declining population

The evolution of Spain's population is the outcome of an equation between the number of people who leave the country and those who enter, as well as the difference between births and deaths.

The fertility rate is 1.32 children per woman (a 2.1 rate is necessary simply to replace the current population).

As a consequence, in 50 years, for each birth there will be two deaths (230 K births vs. 560 K deaths).

On the other hand, more people are leaving the country than coming in. There is a mounting out-migration of young people.

By 2060 Spain will be home to barely 35 million people)

 Ageing population

Spain will experience ever-higher proportions of retired people relative to those working.

On the one hand, life expectancy will, in 50 years, be 10 years longer. On the other, there will be not enough newborns.

In 50 years about a third of the population will be in the range of 65 and over.

Presently two workers support one retiree. In 50 years one worker will support one retiree.

Consequence

So, a country with a shrinking population and a declining number or young workers, will somehow have to work out a plan to pay the pensions and healthcare costs and, at the same time, pay down a national debt that is rapidly approaching 100% of GDP.

Capitalism requires constant growth (K Marx)

Capitalism is based on reinvestment of today’s profits in the belief that they will generate more profits in the future, which implies that there will be growth. On the other hand, credit is the fuel that makes the economy function. And credit is based on the hope that the borrower will have future profits on the money invested to repay both the loan and the interest.

Economic reasons are important, but there also humanitarian reasons FOR TAKING ACTION

Immigration barriers are an offense to humankind. People should have the right to live where they choose. We, the developed world, have the moral obligation to host our brothers and sisters of less developed countries.

In Spain, as a first measure, we will open the borders. We will tear down the fences of Ceuta and Melilla. Mr Rajoy, tear down these walls!

The tragedy of all these Africans living in unbearable conditions in the Moroccan mountains, close to the Spanish border, should stop. We will welcome them; they are our brothers and sisters in our Lord. They should be allowed to freely enter the Spanish territory and, therefore, the EU. This will be the ultimate solution to this old problem of declining and ageing population.

At the beginning, there will be an invasion, I recognise this fact, but slowly the situation would normalise.

Solution 

 We need to encourage immigration and deter out-migration. To maintain a constant working age population (15-64 years), an average of 260.000 immigrants a year would be needed.

Instructions to climb stairs

As you may have noticed, in some places the floor often folds in such a way than a portion of it rises in right angles to the ground plane, and then the next part is placed parallel to this plane, to give way to a new perpendicular.

This pattern is repeated in spiral or broken lines to various heights.

If you bend over and put your right hand in one of the vertical parts and the left in the corresponding horizontal, you are holding a step.

Each one of the steps formed, as you can see by two elements, is placed slightly upwards and forwards of the preceding one, a principle that gives rise to the stairs. Any other combination may produce fancy or picturesque alternatives, but it will be unable to take you from the ground floor to the first floor.

Stairs are to be climbed up front because if you climb them backwards or sideways it is particularly uncomfortable.

The natural attitude is to stand up, your arms hanging down effortlessly, head up, but not so much as to lose sight of the following steps, breathing slowly and regularly.

To climb stairs you have to raise this part of your body situated to the right downwards, normally covered with leather or cloth which, normally, fits into the step.

You put that right part which, for short, we’ll call it foot, on the first step, then you gather the equivalent part on the left, which shouldn’t be mistaken with the other part and, taking it to the height of the foot, you place it in the next step.

First steps are always the most difficult, until you acquire the necessary coordination.

The coincidence of the words foot and foot makes the explanation difficult.

Take special care in not raising, at the same, time foot and foot.

Once you have reached the second step, it is sufficient to repeat alternatively the movements until you reach the end of the stairs.

You then exit graciously from the stairs with a strike of your heel which fixes them in its place, from which they won’t move until the moment of descent arrives.

 (inspired by Julio C)

Dreams

I’d like to start by posing a question. Do you dream at night?

Yes?

Dreaming is good because:

-      you cannot commit any sin;

-      you can do extraordinary things with your body;

-      you can meet the girl of your dreams, do extraordinary things with her and, still… do not commit any sin.

Are your dreams normal or do you have strange dreams sometimes?

Strange?

The other day I had a very strange dream… well, I’ll tell you:

I was in a public park and…, I was in a public park and… I don’t remember anything else…

It happens to me all the time… I forget my dreams…

¿Does it happen to you?

On the one side, is better that I forget my dreams because, on one occasion I told the psychiatrist about my dreams and he recommended me “special treatment”. Which I don’t know if it means that I should be “treated with special care” or, so to speak, that I needed a “specialised medical treatment”… I don’t remember which one. Like the dreams… ,like the pills that I forget if I took them or not...

But, what do we dream? (When we remember…)

Strange as it may seem, all my dreams are related to flying:

That I fly, that I have the fly open, that I cannot fly, that I kill people on the fly, that I fly over stormy waters and, finally, that strange ideas fly over my mind.

1. That I fly

I dream that I soar against the wind open my arms and start flying. I am a vulture, a rapacious predator. What could this dream mean? Probably it means that what they say of us, lawyers, is true: we are all vultures.

2. That I have the fly open in front of an audience

Last night, I dreamed just that. I was in front of the contest judges with my fly open. What was the meaning of that dream? that I feared exposing my brains. This is, you know the place where women think we, men, have the brains.

3. That I are paralyzed and cannot fly from the place I am

If you dream that you are paralyzed and cannot move, you may feel unable to deal with a situation in real life.

The situation requires you to run, but you can’t move. It’s distressing. Imagine, the girl of your dream tells you come … come...! and you cannot move an inch.

4. That I kill my in-laws on the fly

OK, that’s not wrong because, experts say, that whenever we kill someone in dreams, we are in fact saving his life. That’s why I wake up happy every morning, knowing I have saved the life of all these lovely relatives. I am particularly happy the night after Christmas when I run out of ammunition.

5. That I fly over stormy waters

It means, experts say, that you are facing difficult situations. That is a sophisticated way of saying that you are about to wet your bed, to piss yourself. Actually, the difficult situation you are really facing is how to wake up and get to the loo quickly.

6. That the doubt “Am I asleep or awake?” flies above my mind

Three big questions:

-      What if nothing is real and all my life is a dream and I am dreaming within my dream?

-      What if I am dreaming right now and you, fellow toastmasters, are a product of my imagination?

-      What if I this is not a Toastmasters Contest, but a meeting of Alcoholics Anonimous?

Well, since I am sure, this is a Toastmasters meeting, I’d like to finish with a toast because, what kind of Toastmasters is this if there are no toasts?

“If the wine is cheap, we sleep. If we sleep, we don’t cheat. If we don’t cheat, in the heaven we meet. And, if we are going to heaven, let’s drink till eleven”.

In waders

I am going to tell you the story of how I became an in-wader.

Understand me, I’ve not invaded anything. I’ve only been in waders, a kind of high waterproof boots or pants worn for walking or standing in deep water, specially when fishing.

It was one summer in the Benasque valley (Huesca) where I decided to try fly-fishing.

Yeah, fly fishing, an interesting sport for old people, like me. Quiet, in contact with nature, relaxing...

So, I hired a professional fisherman, Chema, who runs a rural hotel called La Casa del Río (lacasadelrio.com) for a day of lessons.

The theory of fly fishing goes like this: at a certain time of the day, given the apropriate meteorological conditions, flying insects go to the river to drink.

Perhaps you never thought of it but cows do it, birds do it and, as the song goes, “even educated fleas do it”.

A fly floating freely on the current is, for a trout swimming below, like an appetizer fallen directly from heaven.

With a mighty leap, the trout snaps the fly literally in the blink of an eye.

As the trout are predators to the flies, the naked ape, that is, ourselves, are predators to the trouts, which we like to eat fried, for instance, with ham (called “a la navarra”).

So, in its ingenuity, the naked ape has invented the artificial fly made of feathers, fur and other materials tied into a hook, to catch the hungry trout.

So, there we went, Chema and I, to the the river Ésera with all the appropriate equipment. We were the fishermen, the anglers. And we were in-waders.

People say that anglers "do it standing up", but, the first thing I discovered was how difficult was to stand up in a river full of boulders and with a strong current.

The fishing rod is very short and the line is composed of two materials, a kind of plastic strip which floats with the fly at the end and the rest of the line which is made of ordinary nylon.

This combined line has some special characteristic: it tangles very easily with anything, with itself, with branches, with rocks, with everything.

So, there I was, trying to keep my equilibrium in the riverbed boulders with my long boots, my rod, and my walking cane, prepared to throw the line for the first time.

To throw the line properly is about 90 % of the success, but believe me, is not a movement with which you get familiar with easily, like, for instance signing a cheque. It requires a quick wrist movement like this...

So we tried that first. My wrist movements were poor. “No, it’s not like that, swift but gentle, too short, too long, etc...”

Then, you realise that you don’t see the fly floating on the water, at all. If you don’t see the fly floating, you don’t see the trout snapping the bait, if it happens.

Supposing you cast the line with the right wrist movement, that the line does not entangle and that the fly falls in the appropriate place, and that you see it floating. Then, you realise how fast the fly goes past you. Yes, because, you know, the water is flowing.

When the fly goes past you, you have to lift it out of the water quickly, and with another deft wrist movement, cast it up stream again.

So it’s is a game of cast and retrieve, cast and retrieve. Tangle and disentangle. All this, standing up and being careful not to fall into the river, because a wave of cold water into your pants will ruin the expedition.

The flies are supposed to be dry. Because flies go to the river to drink, BUT THEY DON’T GO TO TAKE A BATH. So you are not expected to foul a trout with a wet fly, do you?

So you have to check your fly often, and dry it with a special powder for it to float properly. A task that my instructor did.

The hours passed and I didn’t catch any trout. Then, suddenly, a trout bit the hook and I rised it in triunph. When I thought we were going to prepare it “a la navarra” in the evening, my instructor told me that, this was a catch and release area and I had to return the trout back to the river.

Everyone knows that fishermen lie about the size or their catch. Mine was, well like this… Well, like this… Well, the size doesn’t matter. What was big was my smile after having caught the first trout in my life.

All I can tell you is that if all my dinner for the day would have been that trout, I would have been very hungry…

So that is the story of how I became in waders.

The scorpion and the frog

Ask a bunch of people if a person can change, and you will get various answers.  Some will say of course people can change, others will say that no, in fact one cannot change our true selves.  I tend to agree with the latter.

I will tell you a story. In my profession I have met many business partners. Some get along well together, some will break up. I remember now two guys, let’s call them David and Xavier, both doctors, who went to college together, spent long nights hunting emotions together and, yes, got into business together..  Xavier was the typical good-for-nothing guy. His nature made him lazy, irresponsible and he disliked discipline. But, as David said,

- He is my friend.

They decided to get into a hotel business and Xavier was assigned one of the establishments.

As a first measure, he hired a well paid Director General to do the job that he was supposed to do. He organised extravagant dinners, I remember one consisting only of ice creams (of olive oil, or cucumber, for instance). He  organised painting expositions and coral concerts. With all these events and festivities he forgot marketing and finance.

Finally he made the ruined the business and both partners had to face bankruptcy. But, finally, as Xavier he had nothing to respond with, so David wore the burden alone.

David finally recovered from the failed business, but Xavier never found anything to settle on.

This incident reminds me of the fable of the scorpion and the frog

“A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp

- "Why?"

-Replies the scorpion -"It’s my nature..."

The fable is used to illustrate the position that the natural behaviour of some creatures is inevitable, no matter how they are treated and no matter what the consequences.

Moral: never be the frog

Family feuds

-         What am I going to do now? – said grandpa in tears.

Her wife was lying dead before him.

My grandparents had a large family: 7 children and, just after delivering their eight, a sweet baby girl, grandma had died. It was a traditional family, women should stay at home and rear as many children, as many as God, in its infinite wisdom, would send us.

-         Who is going to feed the newborn? – asked himself in despair.

At that time, there was not such a thing as the baby formula and newborns had to be breast fed.

Grandpa enjoyed a good standard of living. But he had to work hard to keep that status. This left him no time to take care of his large family.

So he had two concerns, one urgent: feeding the newborn, and two, finding a wife who would accept rearing the eight orphans.

- Do we know any woman who is breast feeding and would share her breast milk?

At that time, about 1920, wet nurses were frequent. They were usually poor women who recently had a child and accepted to share their breast milk for a salary, they were treated as servants. Her son and the newly born girl were milk siblings.

Grandpa was a practical man. Looking for a new wife he went no further that the second floor of his apartment building (he lived in the fourth floor). There it lived with her parents a forty something single woman, very honest and very sweet.

After a brief courtship –remember, grandpa was in hurry- he proposed her marriage.

She faced the dilemma of ending her days as a spinster or marrying a man with such a large family. Grandpa argued that his children will treat her as a true mother.

Finally she decided that she would marry him and embark in a new life, two stories up of her parents’ home.

- I’ll marry you, but you have to give me authority to run the house and discipline your children.

Soon after she entered her new home, she realised that, far from being accepted as a mother, she was considered an intruder by some of grandpa’s sons.

Particularly, by the priest. Yes, grandpa had a priest at home, the eldest son. After returning from the Seminar, he installed himself at grandpa’s house, and took the best bedroom, facing South. Probably he hated women and the presence of that stranger in his own house was unbearable to him.

He stopped talking to her, but he didn’t leave the house.

The situation was obscene. A priest who was supposed to preach love among mankind, who lived rent-free under the same ceiling that his stepmother, and who was not able not only to forgive, but to speak to her!

Finally, Grandpa died aged 83. He was genuinely loved by her children and grandchildren.

Did the old enemies reconcile over grandpa’s grave?

No, hatred had eaten them from the inside. They will never forgive.

The priest left his father’s house, without remorse, without forgiveness.

The moral than can be drawn is: hatred is a very destructive emotion that may get the best of you. It can literally drain your energy. Don’t let hatred eat you from the inside!

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;

Only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate;

Only love can do that”

(ML King Jr.)

Mortal enemies

A crowd has been slowly assembling in Revolution Square to see an extraordinary spectacle. Everybody could see the fatal blade of the killing machine shining in the morning sun, oh, it was well sharpened! Then, there was a murmur: the guards are coming! the guards are coming!

*********

But let me go back in time.

He was a french lawyer and politician who, because of his radical and uncompromising style, was called the “Incorruptible”. Although initially opposed to death penalty he later embraced the radical purification of politics by the killing of his enemies. His period at the helm of the “Convention Nationale” as the revolutionary Parlament was named, was called “the reign of terror” and hundreds were sentenced to death under mere suspicions of treason, sedition and conspiracy.

Died 28/7/1794 at 36 years of age.

*********

And She was a sweet girl,raised in the comfort of an Imperial Court, not used to any kind of physical hardship. Her world was gay and easygoing. She could play “hide an seek” in palaces with 100 rooms. Only, in the city she lived in, she had three palaces: Hofburg, Schönbrunn and Belvedere and, yet, although she had the best teachers available, at age 10 still couldn’t write or read properly. Her only obligation was to be happy.

Died 16/10/1793 at 37 years of age

****************

By an extraordinary twist of destiny, the fates of these two characters, the pampered girl and the passionate revolutionary, were bound to clash in one of the most agitated periods of History. And, by an even more extraordinary coincidence, both ended their lives in the same manner, with one year difference: their heads severed by the fatal blade.

***********

The spoiled girl, born in imperial Vienna, was to become the Queen of Fance. While French people were starving, she led an extravagant, luxurious and carefree life in the Versailles Palace. Some say that her promiscuous and lavish way of living caused the people’s hate and precipitated the French Revolution. She was dubbed the Autrichienne (autre chienne, in French, another bitch).

***************

This quiet life at the Palace was disturbed by one of the most extraordinary events in History: The French Revolution.

In 1789 a mob stormed Versailles Palace, it was led mostly by women and went so far as to the Royal Bedrooms. They played hide and seek with the royals. The royals hid but they were found trembling in a safe room. King Louis XVI (a Bourbon) and Queen Marie Antoinette of France (a Hausburg) were transported to the Tulleries Palace in Paris under house arrest and under the watchful eye of the National Guard.

The story of the royal family imprisonment was cruel.

At the beginning, the royal family was together in a palace The Tulleries, they still had their servants, their dresses, their jewels, their courtesans, their relatives. They tried to escape but they were discovered and brought to Paris again, slowly, for the people to see and insult them.

To avoid further escape attempts, they were moved to a castle (The Temple). A few servants, one relative, the royal children. Only two rooms.

An extraordinary session of the National Assembly was held to discuss the the fate of the deposed monarchs. Our brash revolutionary, called “the incorruptible”, took a leading role.

--The monarchs are an obstacle to the Revolution—he said

--The king and the queen must die, so that the nation may live. They could function only as a threat to liberty and national peace –he added.

The King was summarily judged and executed in the Revolution square.

Maria Antoinette was now alone with her children.

She was no longer the Queen, only Capeto’s widow.

After another escape attempt, she was further stripped of the only things she had: her children, her clothes, her only servant, even her little watch with which she counted the endless hours of her captivity, and led to a dungeon: La Conciergerie.

She now only had her life. But it was to be taken away soon.

She was judged for treason in the National Convention.

Her last will was intercepted by the young revolutionary and lost for many years.

**********

Now let’s go back to The Revolution Square where the people were whispering “the guards are coming, the guards are coming”! Escorted in an ox-driven cart came the offender, Marie Antoinette, the Queen of France, pale, dressed in a plain white dress. She was taken out by the guards and helped up the stairs. Inadvertently, she stepped on the executioner’s foot.

- Excuse me, sir, I meant not to do it!

A true dame to the very end!

The executioner tied her hands on the back and with an expert gesture made her lay under the killing machine. Then, a firm pull on the rope and the fatal blade fell on her neck and did its job. Then the severed head was put to a pole and shown to the crowd. A big roar of applause rose from the populace amid shouts of ¡Vive la Revolution!

As for her nemesis, Maximilien Robespierre, his revolutionary zeal made him clash with other political factions. He was on the losing side on an internecine war and was summarily judged, declared enemy of the revolution and executed in the guillotine in the next year. The vengeful crowd assembled once more in La Concorde square in Paris.

The crowd was much smaller than the Queen’s. The French people was kind of getting used to the spectacle…

Was she the depraved woman who attracted the hate of the people and became the catalyser of the French Revolution?

Was she an heroine?

Today we recognise that she was neither a bitch, the Austrian bitch, neither a heroine. Se was obliged by the circumstances to be bigger than her true dimension.

Power is nothing without control

As Mr Pirelli, said, “Power is nothing without control”

This takes me to one morning when I, with an uncomfortable pain on my side, am facing a Doctor. He has a radiograph in his hand.

-“Côte cassee”, he says. 

I don’t understand, côte remembers me the world “entrecôte”. Is that guy asking if I’m  hungry?

I look around and see the familiar face of my wife.

-You have a broken rib, dear

The final “dear” sounds like idiot, “you have broken a rib, idiot”. Oh my God!

- Should I wear a plaster cast around my chest … here? - I ask the doctor, worried.

-We can do that, but then –said the doctor- you couldn’t breathe. Do you really want the cast?

Well, not really…

Could I ski more? –I ask- I’ve  paid for the whole week.

- You better not, you can puncture a lung. But you can drive home if you wish.

We are in a French ski resort, 1.400 km. from home.

 My wife looked away and moved her head as meaning don’t even think about it!

Ski is a dangerous sport.  You know, the human body has 206 different bones but the only that nobody has broken at skiing, so far, are  those three we have in the inner ear.

The business of skiing is about going fast in a frozen surface using a pair of boards attached to your feet with two poles attached to your hands. The faster, the better. You feel powerful, man!

But as Mr. Pirelli would say “power is nothing without control”. So you’ll have to learn to brake before you learn to speed up. And the ski instructors teach you this dignified position plow, plow plow!.

I’ve been skiing for 40 years…How have I wasted my time!

In a typical day of ski, first hour in the morning you wake up early and start to dress with all that clumsy equipment: anorak, trousers, boots, mask, poles, goggles, bonnet, creams, you go down to the lifts and there is a light blizzard. At the starting lift there is a huge queue, people are packed in line, so close  they look like penguins in the South Pole, wearing their skis and poles. People step into your skis, scratching them with their own -pardon me, escusez moi!- trying to elbow their way ahead. Half an hour wait is common.

Then you get into the lift. Prepare yourself for a trip on the chair lift. You have to face wind chill. You shiver. Conversation with your chair neighbor is out of question. Jaw freezing is common in. You cannot speak properly. It’s something like the dentist’s anesthesia

-Whele do you came fran?

-I came fran Valenza, Sssspain.

.

But, when you really realize how clumsy is the ski clothing is at the time of going to the toilet.

You enter there, and approach the pissing bowl walking like the Frankenstein monster. You open your zipper and you find that, due to the cold weather, certain parts of the human body  tend to shrink to such a small size you’ve never imagined they could. You soon realize it’s impossible to get out such a small thing with such a big gloves. So you take them off, but there is no place to leave them. Finally, you put them down your armpit. While pissing, oh power is nothing without control! you realize than one glove is moving. You have to choose between:

-       catch the glove halfway down, releasing the instrument you have in your hands --in which case the instrument will probably retract back in, and you’ll piss yourself inside the ski pants--, 

-       or let it fall into the floor and get soaked in all kind of dirty liquids

You choose, obviously, to let it fall.

 (pick it up and try to bite the glove while fastening your zipper)

So, if you want to ski, prepare yourself, prepare your wallet, and make sure you have an accident insurance that covers any broken bone, except the three in you inner ear.

And rembember: “power is nothing without control”

Is public speaking a performing art?

I’m gonna show you two interpretations of the same composition: 1st movement of piano sonata facile by Mozart.

…

Which one did you like most?

Why?

Tempo, emphasis, rhythm…

Music has its rules to convey the sense of beauty to our ears: movements, tempo (iusto, legato and rubato), rhythm, harmony, dynamics (piano and forte), etc.

And public speaking has its own rules too to convey the message you want to transmit to the audience: structure, body language, voice modulation, pacing and pausing …

So, yes, public speaking is also a performing art.

In music there are good interpreters and bad interpreters. Like Glen Gould and Maria Joao Pires.

The same happen to speakers. You know when you see a good one: Mariano Rajoy Prime Minister of Spain is a bad speaker, David Cameron, of the UK is a good one.

A good speech can

·        draw men to battle, making them fearless in front of the enemy, take this example… (we shall go on to the end…)

·        make them willing to make great sacrifices to defend an idea, or a doctrine, take this example… (I have a dream… 269 million hits)

…

Such is the power of the spoken word…

But, as public speaking abilities are crucial for:

-        a politician, who has to convince the voters to vote for him,

-        a lawyer who should learn how to argue his point before a judge

-        and for a teacher, who should transmit his knowledge to the pupils

They can they be important for you too? Yes, because:

People encounter impromptu speaking situations every day. An impromptu speech can take the form of

-        a job interview:

-Are you the best person for this job, why?

-        Or a sales pitch:

- Why do you think your product is superior to the competition?

-        Or asking a producer to support your project

- Why should I believe we have a hit here?

With enough practice, anyone can develop the ability to present ideas clearly in any impromptu speaking situation.   

What will you learn?

CONTROLLING YOUR NERVES

The next time you are about to give a speech, as your heart pounds, you have butterflies in your stomach and your knees quiver; turn your anxiety into positive energy. Your audience will be impressed with your confidence and listen to every word you say.

ORGANIZING YOUR SPEECH

The words in a well-organized speech work together to obtain and keep the audience’s attention.

BEGINNING YOUR SPEECH

Successful speech openings meet four criteria:

1. Get the attention of the audience.

2. Introduce the topic.

3. Establish rapport.

CLOSING YOUR SPEECH

People will remember the last thing they hear more than any other part of your speech.

PREPARATION AND PRACTICE

The majority of speakers recognize the value of careful preparation and regular rehearsal before delivering a speech.

KNOWING YOUR AUDIENCE

Speakers want to share knowledge and move an audience to share their viewpoint.

You may want to give people something to carry home with.

So you are performers. Your performing art is music. But speaking is also a performing art. You are a good musician, but it will help you to manage situations in life like presenting a project or proposing your partner to become a good speaker. Or even convince your partner that you love him or her for ever.

So, yes, both musicians and public speakers are performing artists and learning public speaking abilities may help us all: musicians and public speakers.

Crisis management speech

Situation: The vice-president of a political party has been arrested by the police under charges of corruption; there are 50 detainees in total.

Successful crisis management (according to the manual)

1.    Identify your message

2.    Know what you can’t say

3.    Show concern

4.    Provide relevant information

5.    Be truthful

6.    Do not guess

7.    Admit mistakes

8.    Admit that you don’t know everything

Successful crisis management (according to Machiavelli)

1.    State welfare is responsibility of the Leader

2.    And should be achieved by any means possible, including deceit and intrigue

3.    Leader’s morality  is less important than state welfare

4.    Leader will be judged by results obtained rather than means used

5.    Conclusion: a prudent Leader cannot and should not stand by his words

Here is the speech

Fellow citizens

-    First, I would like to apologize before you, the citizens.

-        I understand that you, the people of this country, are fed up with what we are seeing these days.

-        And I understand the annoyance of the citizens. We certainly had some rotten apples in our basket

-        I trusted my deputy, but he betrayed my trust

-        I made a mistake, but who doesn’t, sometime during his life?

-        Should I know what he was all about, I would have fired him immediately.

-        ‘Cause I am incompatible with corruption.

-        Resign? Would you trust someone who abandons the ship in the middle of a storm?

-        The fact that this scheme has been discovered is a proof that the Judicial System is working.

-        Corruption is everywhere, it happens in other countries too.

-        In this country if you commit a crime, you have to face the consequences for what you do

-        Those who are corrupt should go to jail

-        Justice is equal for all

-        But, till now, we don’t know what really happened.

-        This is something for the Courts to decide

-        In the meantime we are going to set up a parliamentary enquiry and

-        We are going to promote legislation to make enforcement easier

-        As for the rest of the arrested, I didn’t knew them

-        But, this doesn’t mean the all the party is corrupt. It’s just some individuals. 99% of politicians are honest.

-        Nothing to do with my political party, it’s just the individual.

-        All than I can say to you is that we definitely will uproot the weeds

-        And make sure this never happens again

-        As for the opposition, they don’t have the moral authority to criticise us, because

-        They have plenty to be ashamed of

My first kiss

                                                  

Do you remember your first romantic kiss? 

I do.

She was French and I was only fifteen.

There is nothing like a French kiss given by a French girl, I swear! Reject imitations!

A kiss may be like:

• a comma
• a question mark
• an exclamation point

Mine was warm and passionate like an exclamation point.

My first kiss was...was... a heart-quake!

My foundations shook to the ground!

I didn't know how to react in that situation, because nobody taught me how to give or to receive a French kiss.

In the school they teach you lots of useless things, like the Pythagoras theorem, which I never needed, but they don't teach

 you important things like how to French kiss a girl, which I needed often.

Or how to salute people in general.

The only place they teach you how to salute is the Army. The military salute consists of three steps:

• Step one: stand up as straight as possible and keep both arms at your sides, fingers together, pointing to the ground.
• Step two: Raise your right hand, fingers together, and touch the upper part of your eyebrow. Your forearm should be parallel to the ground and the arm at a 45º angle.
• Step three. Hold the salute for fifteen to thirty seconds. For extra effectiveness maintain eye contact throughout the salute.

French kissing would be completely different, wouldn't it? Yeah, war and love are arts apart, aren't they? Instead of three steps, I would give you three advices:

• Advice number one. Don't stand up straight, you need to bend over... or lay down .
• Advice number two. Because kissing is about pushing and thrusting, don't keep your arms at your sides, you'd better grab your partner. Where to touch, up the eyebrow or down the eyebrow is up to you. Suggestion: one hand on the back, the other on the waist... or perhaps lower down...?
• Advice number three. Don't try eye contact; you'll see your partner face completely blurred. And don't worry about time: the longer, the better.

This is what I mean. This soldier probably knew how to properly make a military salute, but, for God's sake, he knew how to give a French kiss!

It was probably a stolen kiss: the military equivalent of the surprise attack

And it was not an air kiss, the one you give to a fellow Toastmaster of the opposite sex not to spoil the ladies' make-up. It was, rather, an air raid.

Yes, if we had been taught how properly kiss people we would be able to negotiate different kissing situations, like the ones we may find this Christmas:

• What kind of kiss should you give to your mother-in-law. Will a smooch be all-right? ;
• What kind of hug should you give to your brothers-in-law: full body, upper body or no-body;
• Whether to double kiss the Queen of England, in the case you are invited to Sandriham to dinner.

So yes, I remember that calm summer night in which our lips touched for the first time.

And you? Do you remember your first kiss?