Coming to this Conference Hall in Seville
Coward, he scratched my car!
A gorilla.
Yes, one of those guys who helps you park your car.
A gorilla can scratch your car in two ways:
- Trying to help you
- Trying to punish
you
Trying to help you with those break dance movements like this:
… (doing the gesture)
You see him and say: this guy wants to communicate with me. You open the
window and he says: straighten up, straighten up…
- Come on! Straighten up, what and to where?
There is no language for this purpose
There are three words attached to three gestures:
1.
Straighten up
2.
Turn, turn
And, if it requires precision,
3.
go, go, go
The problem is when he combines them: straighten up, turn, turn, go, go,
go. (afterthought)
He stops always in the same way
- go, go, go, you got it
And they also may scratch your car by trying to punish you if you forget
the customary 1€ paid in advance.
Someone should talk about the car’s scratches, those little beings;
forgotten, neglected.
2.- The other cause of scratches is the phantom column: a column that
rises up in a parking when you don’t look, where you don’t see.
You arrive to the parking, look around and say: I’m alone, nobody has
followed me. Wrong. There inhabit a civilization of stocky humanoids which, as
the hobbits inhabited the middle earth, they inhabit the garages and build in
them new columns when you don’t look, where you don’t see. The columns are just
beside your car, they don’t touch it, but if you move forward, you scratch it,
and if you move backwards, you scratch it too.
And you say: how the heck have I arrived here! (afterthought)
3.- And then we have the third and most painful way of scratching
Driving your car into a bar, I mean, an iron bar: the invisible bollard,
which you don’t see… you hear it.
You don’t see it even when walking, imagine it when driving.
When you are walking, you go like this…
Pum, ay, shit with the pivot, thank God, I didn’t hit myself in the
glans.
When I hit myself, I like to enjoy it. I am very angry at people who hit
themselves and look the other way. Those people who are walking in the street
and suddenly…
…
It’s a difficult situation because you’ve seen they have hit themselves,
and they have seen that you’ve seen them.
Hey, you hit it, didn’t you? Yeah, yeah I’ve hit it. Yeah, you did it
very hard, didn’t you? Yeah, yeah. (afterthought)
So, if it is difficult to see when you are walking, imagine when
driving!
When driving, you see a place to park, gear the reverse and you hear
grrrr, ahhh! You look sideways, ahhh! And you don’t see anything, and you say
to yourself: must be someone else, fuck him!
And you park fully, grrr, ahh. You want to die and step out of the car
with a single idea in your head: please not too expensive! Please not too
expensive!
As you approach the scratch, your heartbeat rises and when you are close
to it, you make this strange gesture:
(Kneeling… sucking your thumb and … wiping the scratch clean…)
Who do you think you are? God? That you may cure the wounds with your
finger?
Do you want to repair metal with human saliva?
If that were possible, the body repair shops will be like a guy with a
very big, wet, fleshy tongue.
A guy, who will meet us in his shop, saying:
- When do you want it?
- No, for Thursday it is not possible. Look how full the shop is: I’ve
got to lick that BMW, to suck this Land Rover… and I only have one tongue.
- Please, I need the car because I have an ill child and I have to take
her to the Hospital.
- Well, I’ll see what I can do. Leave the car there.
- Where?
- There
- But there it does not fit
- (nodding)
- Go, go, go ahead, you got it
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